The Mother Ghost

So Long, Tootsie Roll

2007-10-19T16:42:00.000-04:00

Mom gave me a bag of assorted Tootsie Roll candies this week. I've been eating one, then toying with the idea of throwing the whole bag in the trash, then eating one, then almost throwing them all away.

They are still here.

But not for long.

I grabbed the bag today to see what goes into the small things.

I saw: "Sugar, corn syrup, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, condensed skim milk, cocoa, whey, soya lechithin, artificial and natural flavors".

I wondered: what could partially hydrogenated soybean oil?

So,
I googled it.

First result:
Consuming partially hydrogenated oils is like inhaling cigarette smoke. They will kill you -- slowly, over time, but as surely as you breathe. And in the meantime, they will make you fat!

Yes, that's trans fats. There are more fucked up oils in tootsie rolls than milk or chocolate, not to mention whey.

Unlike butter or virgin coconut oil, hydrogenated oils contain high levels of trans fats. A trans fat is an otherwise normal fatty acid that has been "transmogrified", by high-heat processing of a free oil. The fatty acids can be double-linked, cross-linked, bond-shifted, twisted, or messed up in a variety of other ways.

The problem with trans fats is that while the "business end" (the chemically active part) is messed up, the "anchor end" (the part that is attached to the cell wall) is unchanged. So they take up their position in the cell wall, like a guard on the fortress wall. But like a bad guard, they don't do their job! They let foreign invaders pass unchallenged, and they stop supplies at the gates instead of letting them in.

In short, trans fats are poisons, just like arsenic or cyanide. They interfere with the metabolic processes of life by taking the place of a natural substance that performs a critical function. And that is the definition of a poison. Your body has no defense against them, because they never even existed in our two billion years of evolution -- so we've never had the need or the opportunity to evolve a defense against them.

The Tootsie Poison Rolls are in the trash. I won't eat my death that way.

I'm scared, and cooking for myself.

Where i be, bee.

2007-09-20T08:04:00.001-04:00

New school schedule. It is as follows.

Monday, Wednesday, Friday:
Modern Irish Literature- 10:00-10:50
Early American Literature- 11:00-11:50
French: Composition & Conversation- 12:00-12:50

Tuesday, Thursday:
Advanced Composition- 9:30-10:45
Introduction to the Study of Literature- 11:00-12:15
Advanced Creative Writing Poetry/Senior Seminar- 1:00-3:45 (Tuesday only)

It looks like this in iCal. See?

So now you know.

Baack to Schoool.

2007-09-20T07:54:00.000-04:00

School started yesterday. Again.

Have been working lots.

2007-09-19T10:06:00.000-04:00

.stol gnikrow neeb evaH.

I feel like this.

55+ is no way to live.
But, you all've done that too.
Now it's my turn.

(Money, money.)

The Serial Hero

2007-08-18T17:25:00.000-04:00

I'm committing myself to studying and enjoying two epics this summer- the television show LOST and HARRY POTTER.

I have given the show Lost the time it requires (and a chance) in order to study J. J. Abrams at work. He did great in Alias, but Lost's storyline seems to be pushing TV forward. While any TV show, especially that which is dramatic and scary, is unusual for me, but I'm giving it a go. Lost is demanding attention from its viewers, bringing characters' lives alarmingly close, and including minute, minute details (a continuing result of the fabulous invention of TV on DVD). It is a challenge to watch, to follow- it's work. And, how complete it is- being written entirely, planned and connected, giving people and experiences purpose. And how complex and mysterious. The themes of forgiveness, acceptance of a higher, yet ambiguous power, real purpose for human life, on television! All with characters who have failure, lies, and hidden disgraces! And of course some gratuitous scenes of nudity and near-nudity! There's a beautiful moment of near infinity when three of the women characters have a discussion in the face of doom in the 1st season's finale (I've watched 1.5 seasons)- each a different perspective the culminates in a Greek chorus of human searching. In that moment I signed on for the remainder; I'll finish the series.

I had read only 2.5 of Ms. Rowling's books (grade school) up to this point of my self-hood. A couple of weeks ago, I restarted. I'm on Prisoner of Azkabam now. I'll be done with the series by the time school starts in four weeks. Nick's got all the books and movies, so it's conveniently free. I dig. I'm impressed with J.K.'s ability to wraps lives and meanings together; she not only creates a world, but gives it a faith and purpose. I'm genuinely interested in it. The children (the heroes!) are so endearing, partly because of their human imperfection. Potter's a great read for me because it's such a break for me from my major's required reading (Let's just say that some of my professors pick books solely on the books' moral vacuousness or/and labyrinthine nihilism {too much meaningless incest}...). It's nice to see some real heart in the pain of wizard world.

Lost and Harry Potter seem to reveal information to the audience in the most tantalizing and necessary ways. They encourage the reader/viewer to follow in a search for something of meaning. If anything, they both are certainly thought out. Classic, classic human pain, struggle, and achievement.

Nick's not afraid to admit that he loves stories; I, and all of us, do too.

By the way:

2007-08-17T18:51:00.000-04:00

Got a job- new job.

It's been a month, but I figured I should document it here.

So I work here:

At the two lovely locations of

the East End:

and Mt. Adams:

and love it.

(The pictures aren't mine; see Kokacoffee.com, darling.)

I worked 6am-11am at the Riverside drive locale this morning {commuter coffee and scones only}. And then 11am-4pm at the St. Gregory lounge {coffee, soups, pastries, and wraps/ciabatta/paninni}.

I'm beat.

Brace Yrself (Soul-Photograph)

2007-07-31T18:01:00.002-04:00

Know me?
Know my iTunes Top 25 Playlist:

Here's some highlights.
(as this is only the most played songs in the last two years on my actual laptop, Josephine, not my iPod, Tzeitel, I'll give you the one's that are the most significant)

#1 Cat Power's Come On In My Kitchen
* from the All Tomorrow's Parties 1.1 Event curated by Sonic Youth.
Sultry, confusing, mind-mumbly.

#2 Fiona Apple's Extraordinary Machine
* the title track from her 2005 release.

#3 Map's by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs
* from Fever to Tell.
Karen O.= The High Priestess of Sexual Soul Love.
(Musically impressive too)

#4 Elbow's Ribcage
* Cast of Thousands, 2003.
If you haven't heard of them, give them a listen. Robust, passionate, not afraid to be sad puppies, the men and minds are just brill. This CD's second last track ends with a huge crowd screaming "We still believe in love, so fuck you!"- Exactly, exactly.

#5 Voliere as played and arranged by Emmanuel Pahud and Jacky Terrasson
* Into the Blue (The first of the six tracks from this CD that comprise my top 25).
The two European jazz instrumentalists, on flute and piano, jammed on their favorite pieces and made a final arrangement on this stellar CD. It's possibly my all-time, take-it-to-an-island-if-it's-all-I-could-take pick. I had the pleasure of seeing Pahud perform with the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra two years ago.

#8 K-Hole by CocoRosie
* From Noah's Ark, or "The Soundtrack to the Apocalypse" according to Nick.

#10 Joanna Newsom's The Sprout and the Bean
* The Milk-Eyed Mender.
Enough said, silly.

#13 Leisure Suite as whispered by Feist.
* From Let It Die.
The second of the six tracks on my top 25. Is her new record stronger...?

#21 So Stark (You're A Skyscraper) by Pavement
* The version from the "Watery, Domestic" EP, as collected by the Luxe & Reduxe Geffen release of Slanted and Enchanted (Disc 2). Stephen Malkmus, my wordsmith intelligentsia hero {"This is life / and it's flat/ and it's 6 and it's 8"}. Why can't this generation recognize them as the loving grandfathers of all and any independent music made today?

Well there's some of it.
Check that screen capture (it'll enlarge, if you click on it) for the rest of them: Yann Tierson, The Shins (regretfully- really, aren't they just elevator music?), and a fab Camera Obscura B-side.

Post yrs somewhere, love.

Family Vacationish Business

2007-07-27T22:00:00.000-04:00

Went to Morgantown, West Virginia this Monday and Tuesday. Woo.

My Swedish relatives were having the Grand American Vacation: D.C., Gettysburg, Pittsburg, Oh My! It concluded with all of my father's charming family convening on a four-story lodge in a state park in the hill country. The place was huge and had a gorgeous view, but who would look when there were three cop cars in front of our house? Who knew it was illegal to shoot guns at trees in a state park? psh.

Yes, I didn't know my relatives were capable of it, but, yes! GUNS, and $270 fines, and court hearings...

Whatever; I wasn't anywhere near any of that nonsense.

On the other hand, the Swedes were awesome. I had met them before, six years ago, when I went to Sweden.

Kalle (Call-uh), my 3rd cousin, 11, was cool. He understands most English, but speaks little.
Anneli (Ahn-el-ee), his momma, my 2nd aunt, was super-sweet, and had a new pair of those earthy, sandal-tennis shoes for each day. She spoke excellent English, German, French, Swedish, of course, some Italian, and something else. Dar-ling!
Jonus (Yohn-us), her husband, was sweet. An engineer, of course. Wore the typical, stylish large-striped, nautical sweaters.
Toggi (tog-gee), Anneli's father, my Farfar's (grandpa's) 1st cousin, spoke mostly Swedish the whole time.

My Farmor and Farfar (grandma and grandpa) are both fluent in Swedish; their kids, my aunt, uncle, and dad, know some. It was really cool to hear them speak Swedish... my Farfar's jokes are still just as bad in other languages.

They were super-gracious and made the trip worthwhile. Our families, though they are growing more distant, still care and try to keep up with each other.

Vocab, anyone?

Tax-a-mica: Thank you very much.
Good dagh: Good day, hello.
Skoll!: Cheers! Drink, drink!

The 48 Hour Film Project

2007-07-27T14:05:00.000-04:00

is finished!

See the short film here.

See the short film this Saturday @ 3, at the Carnegie in Kentucky for $10, with food and a dozen other films.

See us at the Best of Cincinnati on August 7th? Hopefully!

Learn more about the international 48 film project here.

This is Fluorescent White Film's first project.

After huge technological difficulties, misinformation from douchebags at Best Buy, spending $1,700 (Don't worry, we returned some of that merchandise), and starting to shoot 9 hours after schedule, it went swimmingly... well, we floated. No. It was great!

My apartment's nearly ruined, my cats got sick, and my favorite loofah dish and square plate died. But it was nice to work as a team- show off our sweet skills and generally bond.

So, yay: we're proud, and still friends for the most part!

Cheers.

Reality Sandwich

2007-07-10T15:20:00.000-04:00

Today, Kyle bought a new pair of bookish glasses for his upcoming studies at Northwestern University. I helped, happily. This was after an awesome lunch at the college staple of Jimmy John's (never been there before, but they're so veggie friendly) with our mum. The frames are from the best independent eyewear shop around, York Vision Center in Kenwood.

After that purchase, we went by Starbucks' drive-thru window (to my elation) and picked up the young journalist's first taste of a Tazo Chai Frappuccino Blended Crème Light and an Orange Crème Frappuccino Blended Crème. Then a stop to the Village and a rendez-vous at my apartment for lounging and watching the brilliant comedy of the British executive transvestite Eddie Izzard.

A lovely day all around.

And it's not over yet! Harry Potter at Midnight!

The Monster Hour

2007-07-06T16:02:00.000-04:00

Read this today, and liked it.

The Monster Hour

On the Monster Hour, there was this monster that used to come out and try to kill everybody in the audience. No one expected it, not even the producers who were told by the monster he would play a few blues tunes on the piano. The monster apologized after each show and asked for another chance. I'm planning on telling a few jokes this time he would say. But time after time he'd break his word and try to kill everybody. The producers finally replaced him with a gorilla in people clothes that came out and played a Wurlitzer, but they never changed the name of the show. It was always the Monster Hour. I don't think anybody understood then what a monster really was.

The poem's from Zachary Schomburg's first book The Man Suit.

My next $12.95 is so buying it.

Publisher's Weekly said he was one of the sincerest Surrealists around.
Thumbs up.

Saving the Apple's Core

2007-07-03T21:38:00.000-04:00

Years ago, I stumbled on a small, unpretentious book at the Kenton County Library. Since then, the little thing, a guide to relaxation and peace, has resurfaced at perfect times. I was lucky enough to find a copy of Learn to Relax at the downtown library's book sale.

The book, whose full title is Learn to Relax: A Practical Guide to Easing Tension & Conquering Stress, is written by a British meditation teacher. He tackles topics of modern living with his understanding of Western and Eastern tradition, his tension-release techniques, and his own thought. While it offers more than twenty relaxation exercises, it's in the linking text that I have found the energy and guidance I've needed to refocus my path and renew my purpose. It's design is stellar and rather smart, and it has paintings by Sarah Ball (who Starbucks has enlisted to make murals for some locations) that are awesome. It reads as rather undecorated, yet it's very articulate. It might not be the Bible or Qur'an, but its important to me, because it both dares and guides its readers to live beneath the everyday surface of life (my personal definition of failure).

I figured that I'd save some of the gems here. Read one or two.

On change:

"We all have vast reserves of energy inside ourselves, but when purpose is lost and self-expression is blocked we fail to tap these phenomenal resources. The danger is that we will start to live on the surface of our lives, no longer active, but reactive. Unless we find and use the power to change, we drift at the mercy of random currents" (80).

On the search of the heart:

"A self-contained personality, calm and purposeful, is the most powerful magnet" (88).

On purpose, its paradox:

"With regard to finding relaxation, what matters is that the trajectory of our life purpose provides a shelter in which we can genuinely find calm. There is a pattern to our life, and however accurately the pieces come together, we know at least that we are not merely drifting. We can relax without feeling that we are neglecting the inner self"(82).

On compassion:

"Awareness of the differences between our roles and our true identity (and of the influence of our roles on our actions) also helps us to cultivate an understanding of others. If someone does something wrong, or something against us, we are able to see that they too may be acting from an inappropriate sense of self. They have momentarily lost the plot. This insightful understanding is the basis of compassion, enabling us to reach out with more relaxed and forgiving hands" (77).

On touch:

"Think about the most tender moments in your adult life. Perhaps you will recall a hug from a friend, or your partner running a finger over your cheek, or someone taking your hand to reassure you. We all give and receive touch from time to time, yet we have forgotten its benefits. We are so used to seeing touch in a family context, or link with sex, that we tend to undervalue its efficacy as a simple, reassuring act of connection between two people" (66).

On navigating to peace:

"Make yourself a magnet. This means having faith that you will encounter the relevant opportunities and recognize the signs they are giving you - which may not be direct. Look out for such signs with patience, and act on them when they come" (83).

Jubilate Agno: For I Will Consider My Cats

2007-06-29T15:44:00.000-04:00

Meet my kitties.

They are 13 weeks old, and awesome.

Gliese 581C

Named for the excellent new discovery of 581 C, the first extrasolar planet that is earth-like, not gaseous and Jovian, in the habitable zone where water exists as a liquid. This exo-planet rotates around Gliese, a red dwarf star with at least two other planets.

More adventurous than his sister, Gliese likes to climb above my door to the stained-glass window and sleep. He likes to be on his back. He's chatty and demanding and will climb up on you if you aren't giving him enough attention.

Repita

Named for her striking likeness to her dandy of a father, Pita (like the bread), by darling Alex Fessingmeyer.

Repita's more timid and small and smart. She's learning to talk more like her brother and is getting used to people holding her- an ounce cynical and sweet.

They are two of a litter of four, from their mom Emily, a once stray.

The kitties are great! They're so abnormally loving, attentive, and fun to have. They sleep in the loft with me, but will only go to bed when they feel like it, climbing up the ladder. Pita sleeps in her basket, and Gliese guards everybody by sleeping at the edge of the loft. The two are learning their first trick- to kiss! Gliese has it down, and he'll grab yr face if he's excited; Pita's not sure if humans are worth that intimacy yet.

From today:

I celebrate them by incorrectly quoting Christopher Smart:

"For, tho' they cannot fly, they are excellent clamberers.
For their motions upon the face of the earth are more than any other quadruped.
For they can tread to all the measures upon the music.
For they can swim for life.
For they can creep."

LibraryThing

2007-06-21T01:36:00.000-04:00

Meet LibraryThing.com.

It's a personal library cataloging website... and genius.

LibraryThing utilizes data from Amazon.com and 78 other libraries (including our Library of Congress) to make building and adding to yr library easy. All you do is type a few keywords and click on yr book. And, it's free for the first 200 books of yr library.

Library-quality= S-M-A-R-T.

You can add tags to books, rate and review 'em, search other famous people's libraries, and meet people with similar libraries. Plus, Special-Sauce recommendations and an UnSuggester too.

Lovely, 191 and counting (a new neurosis).

Meet ma librairie, please.

In Medias Res

2007-06-20T03:48:00.000-04:00

So I am me,

and I met him

and then him

and I go to school

and live here

.

Sometimes I go here

or here

or here

or here

and sometimes I

.

But then!

I adopted her

and him

!

And sometimes we sit around

and say

or smile

and question

and wonder

.

And all we can do sometimes is think

and read poems

And love like

.

Because that’s what it's all about.

Welcome.